The Top 5 Sweetest Jobs Ever

Happy Friday, everyone!  I’m looking to bring in a few new readers for my big annoucement this weekend, and it’s a known fact that putting together any sort of “Top 5” or “7 Best” or “12 Steps” list draws more clicks than a high school cafeteria (give that one a minute).  So here goes.   The 5 sweetest jobs ever, in no particular order:

1)  That guy in Kill Bill who took like 10 years to make that one sword

Ummmm…come on…do you really think it took that long to make one little sword?  It didn’t even make those sweet Jedi noises when you swung it around.  My guess is the dude made the thing in like 3 weeks, then sat through the 90’s watching Baywatch all day until he could pawn it off on some leggy American.  Sucker.

 2) The sort-of sexy Verizon voicemail girl

OK, just hear me out on this one.  I’ve got a Verizon phone, and every time I check my messages, this kinda sexy voice says: “You have X new messages”.  So, someone had to record that, right?  There were auditions, and they pulled in like 20 people and had them each say: “You have 13 new messages”.   Then the finalists got to say: “First new message sent Monday, April 18 at 4:19pm”.  And then some people sat around in a boardroom until they came to a decision and some lucky person got that job!  They got to go into a studio, spend an hour out of their life making that recording, and now they are heard by millions and millions of people every day!  Come on, now, that’s AWESOME!!!  I mean, I get a couple hundred thousand readers on my blog, but that’s nothing compared to the installed base of the sort-of sexy Verizon voice mail girl.

3) Pet Psychics

Any single guys out there?  Listen up, ’cause I’m only going to tell you this once.

Chicks dig pet psychics.

4) Cartographers

Yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. McNally (and with you as always, Rand),  I’m on to your little racket.  The entire world has been discovered and mapped out for like the past 100 years!  So what have you been doing since then?  Something cool like mapping out Martian craters or oceanic ridges?  Noooooo, I know exactly what you are doing.  Here’s a hint: it starts with a “J” and ends with “ack sh*t”.  Nice.

5) The dude at MTV that pixelates the t-shirts in all those rap videos

You know, I’m just one of those people that get caught up with little things.  And when I’m kicking back with the homies watching music videos on MTV (they’re on between 1:30 and 4:30 every third Tuesday) it drives me crazy not being able to see what brands these guys are wearing.  And besides the crew on the shoot and any bystanders and anyone on the editing team, the only person who really knows THE TRUTH is that guy who goes through every frame and blurs out those t-shirts.  Just think of the stories that guy must have.  He should blog about it.  Like, the Top 6 T-Shirt Brands That Lil’ John Wears.  ‘Cause, you know, like blogs are THE FUTURE, and since we don’t have those jet packs we were promised in our 2nd grade textbooks, what else do we have to look forward to?

Update: The big annoucement is here, please check it out and take a minute out of your day to offer up your support.  I sincerely appreciate your readership and think you look really good in those jeans.  🙂

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