73 Reasons to Vote

Here’s the deal – in the 1.7 years I’ve been running this blog, I’ve made a very deliberate point not to post anything that isn’t related to startup ideas.  However, today is a very, very, very important day and I want to do whatever I can to encourage you to get out and vote.  So, I’m going to try to come up with 73 reasons why you should get out and vote today.

This is going to take a long time – and if you multiply my tiny (yet much appreciated!) readership with the minute statistical probability that any one vote will actually make a difference in this election, I’m most certainly throwing away many hours of my limited spare time by doing this. But, every little bit counts, right?  So here’s my contribution.

  1. In the time it takes to read through this whole list, you could probably be halfway through the line at your local voting location.  So stop reading right now and just go vote.
  2. You get a free cup of coffee from Starbucks.  And yes, you could just lie about it.  But don’t be that guy.
  3. There’s a good chance that somewhere in your voting district, a neo-Nazi skinhead is voting against Obama because of the color of his skin or a crazy socialist, ageist, Palin-hating hippy is voting against McCain.  Your vote can cancel them out.
  4. Every time you don’t vote in a presidential election, God kills a kitten.
  5. If you figure that it will probably take about two hours out of your day, averaged out over four years, that’s only about a half a second per day.  You seriously can’t spare a half of a second per day?  Come on…
  6. .003% of single people between the ages of 18 and 35 meet their future spouse while waiting in line to vote.  And yes, I totally made that stat up.
  7. The next time your grandma calls you, she might ask you who you voted for.  Don’t lie to your grandma.
  8. Jesus votes.
  9. We’re at war.  The economy sucks.  If you don’t vote now, what’s it going to take – a giant tidal wave heading directly for your house? 
  10. Here’s today’s idea – it’s a mobile application delivery service that features a drop-dead simple way to download a new app each day…oh wait, wrong post…
  11. It’s one of your last opportunities to vote in person before some future web app like Autovotr, a semantic voting preference detection Facebook app, does it for you.
  12. You get one of those cool “I Voted” stickers, which you can then sell to non-voters who are on their way to an election party and don’t want to be that one guy at the party who didn’t vote.
  13. Because Murad Habibi said so.
  14. Chuck Norris votes.  And even though whomever he votes for automatically wins, he’ll be really pissed if you don’t help him keep up the illusion of democracy.
  15. If no one voted, we’d end up with a zero-zero tie. That would probably cause a divide-by-zero error that would make the CNN Magic Wall crash during the peak prime-time, setting back the touch-screen revolution for at least another decade.
  16. Because you can.
  17. In 50 years, your grand-kids may look back on this election and ask who you voted for.
  18. Because it’s taken me over an hour to come up with 18 reasons.  If I’m going to follow through with this thing, you could be the one person who actually made this worthwhile.
  19. When Wolf Blitzer announces the results for your state, your vote could be the difference between him saying 546,541 or 546,542.  Now that’s power.
  20. This just in – apparently it’s illegal for Starbucks to give away coffee to voters.  Just go out and freakin’ vote anyway.
  21. Forget Starbucks.  Someecards.com is offering free humorous political ecards to all voters.  Along with being hilarious, it’s a great place to blatantly rip off ideas for anyone who is trying to make a list of reasons why people should vote.
  22. If you live in a battleground state, you should go out and vote because it’s probably the last time anyone will care what you think.
  23. The good news about the economy is that being laid off should give you plenty of time to vote.
  24. If you thought smoking made you look cool, just wait until you vote.
  25. There are a lot, seriously, a lot of people out there who would give anything to be able to help decide who will be the future leader of their country.
  26. If you’re reading this blog, you probably care a little bit about tech issues. Here’s a non-partisan breakdown to help you decide.
  27. Because it’s better than sitting at work.
  28. If you live in a state that still uses punch cards, you can purposefully try to make a bunch of hanging chads just to mess with the election workers.
  29. If you don’t vote, you’re technically not allowed to laugh at any jokes from either the Daily Show or the Colbert Report for the next four years.  Good luck with that.
  30. All things being even, just go vote for McCain so we get at least four years worth of Tiny Fey’s awesome Palin impersonations.
  31. It’s a proven fact that people who vote are 15% less likely to develop a painful and embarrassing medical condition.  I made that one up, too.
  32. Trees can’t vote.  But if you cut one down, you can make a pencil out of it, and use that to vote on the tree’s behalf.  And then the vote you cast could determine if more trees would be cut down, which could be made into more pencils which could be used in future elections.  It’s like recursive and stuff.
  33. One day you might be on Jeopardy, and the final question might be “Someone who voted in the 2008 presidential election.”  If you vote, you would have at least one answer that you know is right and you might win a bunch of money.
  34. If you vote, that’s one step closer to the major TV networks announcing a winner faster, which means that there’s a chance that they might not need to preempt Tuesday’s new episode of House.
  35. If you don’t vote in this election, I’m not going to vote the next time you run for president.  Better yet – I’ll vote against you.
  36. It’s actually fun in a strange, I-didn’t-expect-this-to-be-fun-but-it-actually-kinda-is sort of way.
  37. Because your “I just voted! #election08” tweet will show up on this page and you’ll be famous for a few seconds.  And not just famous.  Internet famous.
  38. You can get one more use out of your pitch-perfect Sarah and/or Todd Palin Halloween costume by wearing it to the polls. 
  39. With great power comes great responsibility.  Yeah, I know it was meant for Spiderman.  But it kinda works here, too.
  40. I remember back in the day when it didn’t really matter who won the election, they’re all pretty much going to do the same thing no matter who wins.  Not so much the case anymore.
  41. I just got off the phone with Damon Lindelhoff, co-creator of Lost.  He told me that if you don’t vote, they’re going to cancel the remaining two seasons of Lost and you’ll never find out what the deal is with the numbers.  He may have just been kidding – but do you really want to take that chance?
  42. Even if you’re in the bluest or reddest states possible, there are all those local ballot issues that are going to impact you at some level. 
  43. You already spent all that time registering to vote, so why not just finish the thing already?
  44. Voting is hard.  Only people who are above average in intelligence can do it.  Are you above average?
  45. If you vote because of this blog, let me know.  I’ll send you a “A Startup A Day Readers for [candidate of your choice]” sticker.
  46. This just in – apparently it’s illegal for me to give away stickers to voters.  Just go out and freakin’ vote anyway.
  47. #47 is what will happen if you don’t vote.  Nothing.  But do it anyway.  Seriously – it’ll be fun.
  48. If you aren’t planning to vote anyway, just go and have fun with the write-in candidates.  Think of how great it will be when that bored election worker sees that you voted “Mickey Mouse” for president!  LOL!!!!!!!11111ONE
  49. [editors note: I’m running out of ideas, so I’m going to bring in a guest to write up reason #51 on my behalf – Courtennay Marie Smith, a high-school junior and guest writer for several popular teen magazines (including Teen Dream, Teen Scream, and Non-Threatening Boys)]
  50. Oh.  My.  Gawd.  Like, if I could, I would totally vote.  Lucky!  I’m so jealous, worse than when I found out that Nick Jonas dumped me and started dating my bff Miley!  J/K – I WISH!!!!!111ONE  OK, I’m out like Clay (*grins*) – go vote!
  51. Voting is good for your complexion.
  52. A priest, a rabbi, you, and a talking frog walked into a bar.  The talking frog turned to you and said “GO VOTE”.
  53. Take out a piece of paper and write down one thing that you are going to do every hour today.  Are 18 of those things more important than a once-in-four-years chance to vote?
  54. People who don’t vote may or may not have an increased risk of developing Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Don’t risk it.  Vote. (editors note: I spelled Rheumatoid Arthritis without using spell check or anything.  I rule.)
  55. South Dakota is currently considering selecting one random US citizen who voted in the ’08 election and adding them to Mt. Rushmore.  How cool would that be? (editors note: I had to look up Mt. Rushmore on Wikipedia to verify that it’s in South Dakota.  I don’t rule.)
  56. Today is my buddy Adam’s birthday.  I haven’t asked him, but I’m pretty sure that he’d be cool with you not buying him a gift and instead using that time to go vote.
  57. If you’ve gotten this far, we’ve got a problem.  You’re obviously either unemployed, suffering from an environmentally-induced depression, or both.  It’s time for a change.  Vote!
  58. If you’re still undecided, here’s some good advice from the late government advisor Mr. Bernard Baruch: “Vote for the man who promises least. He’ll be the least disappointing.”
  59. Hey, you.  Yes, I’m talking to you.  The 19-year-old college guy who is sitting in front of a 2-year-old Dell computer reading this right now.  Go vote.  OK, and seriously, if you actually are 19, male, in college, and own a 2-year-old Dell – you owe it to me to go vote right now.
  60. Your vote doesn’t matter.  Yours, and the 119,403,087 other eligible Americans who aren’t going to vote, either.
  61. If the 61 reasons I’ve posted so far aren’t enough, here are one million more.  Talk about getting powned.  Ouch.
  62. A haiku: Ballot boxes call.  Hey you, yeah, the blog reader. Go freakin’ vote now.
  63. Not voting is like passing gas in a crowded elevator.  Sure, no one would know if you did it or not.  But it really stinks.
  64. The sooner you go vote, the sooner the election will be over, and the sooner lame bloggers like me will retreat back to their parent’s basement to watch anime and stew quietly for the next 3.5 years.
  65. Voting is like drinking a warm bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul.  Not voting is like drinking a smoothie made with 2 raw eggs, a quart of beet juice, and 3 pounds of the meat used for McRib sandwiches.
  66. Hey, Ohio.  Let’s make a deal.  If you can get over 70% voter turnout, I’ll talk to the players from my alma-matter (University of Michigan) and ask them to kindly take a dive during the Ohio State game this year.  Sounds good, no? 
  67. c’mon.  Vote.  Eh?  Vote?  c’mon.  You know you want to.  Eh?  Vote?  c’mon.
  68. Are you happy with where the country is at right now?  If not, you’re lucky enough to actually do something about it.  Don’t waste this opportunity.  It doesn’t come around all that often and now, more than ever, it’s time to make a change.
  69. So you like to drink?  Election parties are a great excuse to get soused!  Unless you didn’t vote.  Then they’re just really awkward.
  70. By the time you read this, some major news outlets may already be ready to declare one of the candidates the winner based on exit polls.  Vote anyway.  And, just to add a little more suspense, vote early.
  71. There are only two days when I wake up before sunrise.  One is Christmas.  The other is Election Day. And what present would you rather get?  Rock Band 2, or a new direction for the country?  Wait…that’s actually kinda tricky, because I have Rock Band 2 and it’s freakin’ sweet.  So scratch this one.
  72. Vote for change.  Vote for the economy.  Vote to try to save your job, or your mortgage, or your cousin from being deployed.  Again.  Vote for choice or life.  Vote for evolution or creationism.  Vote for the right for your neighbors, no matter who they are, to sign a piece of paper that says they’re married. Vote for a historic Seattle market to get a facelift, or for a whole heck of a lot of new buses.  Vote for the environment.  Vote to drill.  But whatever you do.  Just. Freakin. Vote.

Do you have a reason why you think people should vote?  Post ’em in the comments below.  And if you’ve already voted or made the decision to vote, please pass this on to a few people who still may be thinking about sitting this one out.  Thanks for reading.

3 responses to “73 Reasons to Vote

  1. Wow. That’s a freaking awesome list. (must of been a bitch to make…)

    Reason to vote: Because this is an awesome list.

  2. Thanks Tyler!

  3. Johnny Carson, watch out!

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